To the neighbor who tried to PRINT on my network
February 3rd, 2008
Dear crackhead who tried to hack into my network to print something.
I work in IT, I’m a rockstar, I’m a code monkey. My printer is a $2000 dollar POS I picked up for $100. It’s not a shitty laser printer, but a nice, happy toner cartridge beheamoth that can print a couple hundred pages in a few minutes. I’ve had it for 6 years and while it’s a spaz, it’s my spaz and I’ve yet to have to change the cartridge. I like it. My one complaint is that when you print something with too much data (fill in tax returns for example), it barfs out page after page of ‘Error!’ in faded grey.
Imagine my surprise this morning when my printer started printing its standard ‘Too much input!’ garbage and I, and my girlfriend, were watching TV. I quickly walked over to the printer and turned it off. Then I went to my router’s console and checked out who was around. Oh look! Someone I don’t recognize! I copied your MAC address down, tossed it into my BLOCKED list, and kicked you off my network.
But not before sending you this to your shitty Dell (oh yes, I know what you’re using):
“Hi, I’m the techy in ####. You try to hack in again and I’ll charge you with theft of services. If your net is down and you’d like to use mine, please come up with beer and ask me nicely. I’d be happy to let you share for the day.”
Maybe you’re like me and today is ‘Do my taxes’ day. maybe you’re an internet gambler, trying to squeeze in a couple bets before the Big Game. Regardless, you may think those cute girls on 11 are sweet and cuddly and that we wouldn’t mind. Look, just because I turned off the password for my WEP2 for a minute to fix something doesn’t mean ‘Free Beer!’
So, fucko, come over, bring a beer, and all will be forgiven. Until then? Stay the hell off other peoples networks.
Categories: Smart Things
